Anything is possible if you let yourself dream enough!

So its interesting what everyone's listening is of me...I've been interviewing people in my life lately and I've been getting interesting responses. Its been scary but its been really helpful at the same time. In some ways its really necessary. At the same time you have to take it as well this is just their view of me and its just an opinion. But at the same time if your commited with making a difference with them its helpful to see how they listen to you and what you can do differently with them to see how you can communicate differently with them so that you can have a different impact on them. I was so scared to hear what my weaknesses are but its funny when you hear them its like oh yeah I already knew that...its funny how we hide behind our weaknesses when all along we know them deep down.

Its so rainy and gloomy out. I love days like this! It makes me want a nice hot cup of hot chocolate! I am on the move today though! I went into work today and then had to do some errands and now I'm about to go to San Jose to go to a class and I'll be there till 10pm. Then its off to work again tomorrow. This week is going to be busy. I'm going to be meeting with at least two drummers that want to possibly play with me. I'm also going to a club on Thursday night to sell my albums with a good friend. I might go to a performance on Wednesday night in Santa Cruz with my husband to see Alice Smith shes so amazing! But its so exciting that I'm actually on my way to forming a band. I'm wanting to start performing!

I just wrote a new song today...I miss writing and arranging. I really miss putting it to instrumentals as well. I liked co-arranging and working along side producers I found that part of it really exciting. Maybe one day I'll learn how to work pro-tools. I'm actually planning on getting a computer and some equipment at my house so that I can do some pre-production at my house so I don't have to rely on anyone to do that anymore. It would be nice so that I could do that on my own and lay down the rough vocals and buy the instrumentals from producers and then when I do the final vocals in the studio it dosen't take as much time since I know what I am going to do on the final tracks. haha I already miss recording. I can't wait till I have enough money where I can own my own studio and I can do that all day long. Sigh. I love this with a passion it runs thru my bones. When you listen to my music all of you friends and family you'll hear it in my music I live and breath it. I put my whole heart and soul into this album. So far everyone thats heard it djs, producers and musicians have loved it. I hoping it continues to do well. When I put my mind to something that I want you betta watch out hehe I work hard.

I'm throwing a benefit concert and will blog about this later this week. I'm really excited about this...I didn't know much about making an album but I did a pretty dang good job for my first album. Now I'm going to be organizing a benefit concert where I'll be working with VH1's save the music's program where I'll be donating part of the proceeds of the conert to that foundation! I'm going to get some local bay area bands that have a big enough following to perform at this concert. So i'll be getting to know booking agents and managers and djs and a lot of people in the biz. I've already met some booking agents already. So i've been going to lots of shows lately and networking. Its been fun. I like doing this actually. Hehe hustling is in my blood. I don't go to these shows to drink...I go there to network all the way. So not only is this show going to be fun but it will be for a great cause! I'm going to have my band put together in time so I will be able to perform at this show as well and I'll be selling my albums there too! Yeah! Its going to be jazz, funk and hip hop bands! Anyways I'll blog more about this later! Laters have a good Monday guys!

"Life is not about finding yourself life is about creating yourself"

I had the best time last night celebrating Halloween! I sold 10 albums last night! It was so funny...people wanted to play my album again and again...I think they played it over and over probably five times...? It was cool playing it and saying that yup...I wrote that and sung that. Well I didn't write all of it producers wrote the background music so I technically co-wrote the background music but I wrote all the lyrics and sung all the lyrics and the back ground vocals. I'm putting the cds on sale on my myspace site and my website next week on Tuesday and we'll see how well it does. I'm praying that it will do well. So far the response has been really great from people.

I'm meeting probably a couple drummers next week in San Francisco next week to start forming a band. I will probably get a keyboardist, a guitarist, a drummer and a bassist. Then for large shows I'll probably get a horn section. So my digital distribution like my i-tunes, rhapsody, imeem, amazon mp3, and myspace mp3 are all going thru in three weeks I think so that will be great. Those will all be posted on my myspace page and my website so that will be good. It takes six to seven weeks to process all of that which I didn't know but well you live and learn. Anyways oh well. Another two or three weeks won't kill me. Anyways people will be able to buy my album thru paypal on my myspace and my website on November 4th so thats cool.

I'm doing a listening party strictly listening people that means I'm just chillin and i'm not performing haha. I'm just going to enjoy the process. Cuz I busted my booty in this process for six months straight. Now I'm going to relax a bit. I'm going out trying to meet musicians to start a band which is not easy people! All of this is not easy. You have to be so determined its not even funny to make all of this happen. I talked to this girl last night and she said she was jealous of me and what I had accomplished...I thought and I was like you can do it too you just have to want it bad enough...you have to have a fire in your belly haha and you have to want it bad enough to fight for it even when the going gets rough. No one is going to get anything done for you in life. People are out there trying to be succcessful themselves ya know? I think thats what made me work so hard...I had to do it for me. But then I also did it for others too...I wrote songs that I felt would touch others...music has to not just be about you...its got to be something about something greater than you. Because to be honest when you break it down you shouldn't be doing it for the money...most artists even major artists dont make much money doing this...even the ones that sell millions of albums...but thats not the point. I'm doing this for a different reason. I'm doing it for the love of it and for getting messages out there to really help people and to make a difference in people's lives.

We all have to make choices in our lives. What are we going to become? What are we going to use our lives for? I met some kids last night who grew up from the same town that I did...I always think its great to meet kids who grew up from the same high school that I went to...I can relate to them...theres this same struggle there. I hope they can become something great. I think there is a lot of pressure to live up to what our parents want us to become or what others see us as...but really at the end of the day we have ourselves to answer to. Its not about pleasing others...its about being happy. I see that a lot with the kids in the area that I grew up with and I really hope that they live fulfilling lives and they don't sell out. I'm glad I didn't sell out. I know there will be hard times ahead because life is hard but I'd rather have peace of mind that I followed my dreams and I gave it all I had. Why follow a life or a road that someone says you should follow just because your dad did it? Thats not your life thats theirs. I read this week on someone's myspace page "Life is not about finding yourself life is about creating yourself" I love that!!! I have been creating myself this year! I've been becoming the person that I've always wanted to be! And I'm really being honest about that! I want to be that old artistic grandma at 80 years old that my grandchilderen can brag about and say yeah shes done this that and that and I want to still be going and doing things and going out and about. Life is not about finding yourself its about constantly reinventing yourself and creating your world around you! It takes a lot of strength to do that...because there are no rules when your doing that...but thats also the exhilerating part of it as well.

My album is coming out next week

My album is coming out next week I'm getting my 1,000 copies next week from Rainbow Records...finally! Its been a long time coming! I've applied for digital distribution from Tunecore and am waiting for that to be approved by them. They said that can take up to two weeks or more. Its been one week so far we started the process last Sunday. So I'm just waiting patiently for them to get back to me. For now all I can do is wait on that. My website should be up next week and it is a sapphire blue color reminiscent of the 1920's with a classic jazz flair to it. It has a picture of me with a flower in my hair and black leather gloves. Totally chic.

My master plan for after that is forming press kits to send out to people in the music business with biographies, press write ups from magazines, photos and a copy of my album for them to listen to to start creating a buzz. I'll be putting up my album up for sale on my website and my myspace page and will put up links on my myspace page with links to get to i-tunes, amazon and my other stores to buy my music. I've been looking into promotional and marketing companies as an option for the future to promote myself as well as distribution deals. But first thing is first which is a band. I have to find a band before I can get signed to a deal hehe. I have been going out a lot to clubs and venues networking and meeting musicians to try and form a band so I can start gigging around in the bay area. That will be the next step which will be starting to create a local buzz by performing at live shows and forming a local fan base. I think I'll need to get a booking agent eventually to help me book shows so that I dont get burned out doing that.

All of this has been super overwhelming. There are days when I literally have to just take a day off and just try and decompress or it all just really gets to me. There are times when I get into major funks and come up with reasons why I can't do this. I have people that ask me sometimes how does your husband feel about this? My husband supports me in pursuing my dream and I wouldn't be doing this of course if we haven't talked about it. Ha duh. It takes two to make a marriage work. But you will always get people putting their standards or ideals on your life. I have learned that in the end if I am happy with what I am doing and my husband is happy that is all that matters. You will never satisfy anyone fully. Once you think you have satisfied one person the other will have a different opinion with what you should do in your life. So in the end you just need to pray, and really do what you feel is right for you. We all have our own paths in life. And what a blessing that is?! Lets just support each other and instead of judging each other!!!

I have realized in the past six months that nothing comes without sheer hard work. I have never worked so hard in my life with completing this album except with completing my bachelors degree. That was sheer hard work and determination. Creating this album was amazing and still is. I have so much more to do...and still so much more to prove. I have people that ask me so whats next? You know...I have a plan but like everything I dont have all the answers yet and thats ok too. Just like Alicia Keys or Jennifer Aniston do you think they knew how they were going to get their lucky break or how they were going to become famous? No they just worked hard and took each day at a time. Thats how you do it. haha. No one really cares if you succeed in life. It depends on you. Honest. If you want something you have to go out there and get it. No one will hand anything to you. I really got that when I did my album. No one was going to write my music for me or arrange it for me. I had to do that. I had to sing it. Luckily I had a good friend who introduced me to two of the producers I worked with so that was a big help.

I think we have the tendency and I still do this to just feel so alone and think no one cares whether we succeed or not so why even try so we just don't even try. Thats a sad way to live. I was in that space for a while in my life. But honestly no one will hand anything to you. You have to go out there and get it you have to be hungry enough to take it! Everyone is out there trying to make it on their own.

What does it take to love another and be happy??

What does it take to love another? Do we need to change ourselves or completely be another person? How can we keep ourselves but also be with the one we love? Thats my question for the day. How do we keep that lovin feeling in our relationships when life comes at you in a million different ways. I'm not so sure anymore. Its so easy to get caught up in everything we are doing in life and forget others in the process. Today i'm feeling overwhelmed, emotional and just well feeling very deeply and thinking a lot. What makes someone happy and how do you keep that happiness alive and strong? Can one person do that for you or does it need to be multiple people present to achieve that? What can be done to mend past heart aches so that you can move on with someone living a clean slate and open to new possibilities with them? Sometimes its so hard to forget the past and whos hurt you that you bring that into your own relationships. Lame but so true. It can be so easy to be scared about being hurt and then not wanting to take the risk of really trully giving your all to someone. I've felt that many times in my life. This blog is well a very honest one today. I love blogging about what I'm going thru tho theres a sense of well relief from it when you get it down on paper. Its the same with song writing for me. Believe me when someone pisses me off I'll just write a song about it. If someone makes me happy I'll write a song about that too ha and on and on. This is how we artists deal with things thru our music. Man the life of a musician is not an easy one thats for sure. But I can't imagine living any other life. Its a lot more complicated thats for sure figuring out how to make things work at home but it can be done.

In some ways I think we can't expect others to make us happy. In some ways yes but in other ways no. For instance you can't expect your loved one to go out and do the things you wish you could but your too scared to do and then say well i'm not happy. Well your not happy because you haven't stepped up to the plate. Each person has to make an effort to do whatever they need to do personally to make them happy whether that be going to graduate school, making an album having a baby or on and on and then have their partner reach for what makes them happy as well and support each other in the process. I think if this is done you can both grow together and motivate each other in whatever your doing. I'm a total driver...when I want something nothing will get in my way I'll get it done come hell or high water its just my personality. hehe. Anyways life is damn hard but hehe I just remember what i've been thru in the past and think I can get thru this too. hehe. Thats how I keep going on every day I just remind myself of what I've had go get thru before and then I think yeah thats nothing compared to this etc.

Anything Is Possible

A friend of mine was asking me to be unreasonable with my life yesterday. I think being unreasonable and really pushing yourself is what makes someone achieve greatness. Really. If you stay complacent and you give yourself excuses as to why something can't be done you won't ever achieve anything. But if you constantly strive and reach towards always becoming better anything is possible.

I like moving my album along and getting things done so its actually hard for me to ask for help and have people arrange things for me. I'm so used to doing it on my own. Its also hard to know who you can trust. I think thats why its been hard for me to have others help me. I think its best to do as much as you can do alone to be honest so your not dependent on anyone. Then when it becomes too much and you just have to know when that time is you should ask for some help. Its funny how its so hard to do at times.

I have two people that are going to be helping me arrange listening partys and my album release partys. I was literally praying for that yesterday because I thought theres no way I can do this alone just no way. I guess I could to a certain extent but I would need help to get the word out and help with knowing what venues and clubs would be appropriate for my music. I'm not a big club goer. I'm kinda a home body. I love going up to San Francisco and Berkeley though. I've been going to Santa Cruz and Capitola as a girl too so i'm looking forward to performing over there sometime this year.

I have learned also this year to never say never. Never say you can't do something because why would you want to close that door off to infinite possibilities of things that maybe you could do if you just believed in yourself? All it took for me were a couple people telling me that yeah I could write songs and that I could do it by myself. I can't tell you how many days of self doubt and crying there were in the process but eventually I came thru. All because of those key people in my life. I've been the happiest i've ever been. Just goes to show that sometimes finding your own way in life is really necessary. You need to feel happy with what your doing even if people say its not possible for you. I'm making it possible for me so I know it will happen. When you work hard at something every day it will happen. Nothing is impossible. Thats what i'm standing for today. That nothing is impossible in my life. Anything I want is there for the taking. This year I want to get back into shape not just for vanity sakes but for promotional sake for my music career and just for the fact that I want to feel really comfortable in my own skin and be healthy. Thats what I'm standing for this year. And i'm also standing for the possibility of being able to be really successful with my music. I wont give up until thats so. Even if it does take years to get there.

This Is Just The Beginning...Hello World Here I Am Today What Do You Have For Me Today?

Hmm I can't seem to stop my mind from creating. Its always churning churning with new ideas and inspiration. When your a writer and someone says something even when your in mid conversation well I find myself stoping and saying oo thats interesting. I kept doing that when Willie Norwood was in town helping me on my final recordings for my first album. He'll say little sayings or inspirational things that trigger new thoughts and new songs for me. I've been so lucky to find really great people to help me on my way. I've been praying for a mentor and for someone to help me out because it can get so lonely out there. Its so scary doing everything on your own too when your a new comer to the music industry. Hell anything is scary at first.

I was listening to Jill Scott today and looking thru her website what a power house! I really can relate to her musically and as a writer. I've been a poet since I was a little girl and so has she. She really puts it out there in her songs as do I. I hate it when people compare me to people but damn if anyone wants to compare me to her sure go right ahead. He he I consider that a compliement in the highest form. Shes rooted in Jazz as am I and shes got curves too. I'm not a small little petite thing. I used to be but it wasn't healthy. I love learning from other artists and listening to their runs, adlibs and things they sing about. It gets my mind jogging about issues and topics I want to sing about. Again I can't stop creating.

As this album is coming to a close I find myself thinking I'm scared. Scared of the unknown. Scared of what people will think of my music. Scared that I might not come up with another hit. Feeling vulnerable with putting my most inner feelings and thoughts on to an album and having others listen and scrutinize it. Its a whole nother ball game when you write the songs and you sing them. I'm super critical of my material. hahaha. You just have to tell yourself to stop eventually. Thats what I'm experiencing with the mixing process. I'm listening to it and thinking dang I could have done that for a run etc. I just gotta let it go its hard tho.

After doing this album I realize how many more things I want to do in life. If I am able to be successful in my music I want to get involved with so many other things. Like starting a non profit company helping others in some way I'm not sure how but I want do something, publishing a book with my poetry, possibly doing some broadway shows, performing everywhere and touring, possibly starting my own label in the future. I just have so many things I want to do hehe. This is just the beginning.

Getting ready for my photo shoot

So today I decided to go shopping for my photo shoot for my album. All the while while I was shopping I was thinking what kind of style is my music? Is it trendy? Is it timeless? And its timeless. Its a mix of jazz and neo-soul. So I thought yeah I'm going to get some clothes that are clean and polished. I didn't want anything too frilly or feminine either. I'm really excited with what I got and am more excited when the photos will be finished to be put up on my myspace page!

I've been so focused on getting things done that I'm getting everything that I need to get done early. I couldn't sleep this morning until late like I usually do on Saturdays. I got up at 7:20am! When do I ever do that? Wierdo. The mall didn't open till 10 am so I decided to go to Starbucks and just read a newspaper and do some writing. I wrote some new possible songs today. The more I write the better I get. Its like riding a bicycle. The more you do it the faster and more agile you become. I loved just sitting there at Starbucks and resting. It felt so great.

I hung out with my friends last night and went up to San Francisco to get my hair done by my hair dresser. She did such a great job. I can even go for clean up for free in four or five weeks and then get my hair cut five weeks later. How cool is that talk about convenient!

I've been eating lunch late on most days and have been talking with some older men that are semi retired ha and have been having such a fun time talking to them! I love talking to older people they are so funny! Not always but well theres just a sense of honesty there usually because they dont care as much about what image they are projecting etc. I love learning from all different kinds of people. Its funny how the older you get too the age gap tends to not matter as much anymore. I have a friend thats 63! Shes always totally straight with me which is so great! I played my music the other day there and the owner loved it so much she wants to buy a copy from me. Most of the other people there want a copy too. Hopefully many more will!

Anyways have a great day guys!