"Life is not about finding yourself life is about creating yourself"

I had the best time last night celebrating Halloween! I sold 10 albums last night! It was so funny...people wanted to play my album again and again...I think they played it over and over probably five times...? It was cool playing it and saying that yup...I wrote that and sung that. Well I didn't write all of it producers wrote the background music so I technically co-wrote the background music but I wrote all the lyrics and sung all the lyrics and the back ground vocals. I'm putting the cds on sale on my myspace site and my website next week on Tuesday and we'll see how well it does. I'm praying that it will do well. So far the response has been really great from people.

I'm meeting probably a couple drummers next week in San Francisco next week to start forming a band. I will probably get a keyboardist, a guitarist, a drummer and a bassist. Then for large shows I'll probably get a horn section. So my digital distribution like my i-tunes, rhapsody, imeem, amazon mp3, and myspace mp3 are all going thru in three weeks I think so that will be great. Those will all be posted on my myspace page and my website so that will be good. It takes six to seven weeks to process all of that which I didn't know but well you live and learn. Anyways oh well. Another two or three weeks won't kill me. Anyways people will be able to buy my album thru paypal on my myspace and my website on November 4th so thats cool.

I'm doing a listening party strictly listening people that means I'm just chillin and i'm not performing haha. I'm just going to enjoy the process. Cuz I busted my booty in this process for six months straight. Now I'm going to relax a bit. I'm going out trying to meet musicians to start a band which is not easy people! All of this is not easy. You have to be so determined its not even funny to make all of this happen. I talked to this girl last night and she said she was jealous of me and what I had accomplished...I thought and I was like you can do it too you just have to want it bad enough...you have to have a fire in your belly haha and you have to want it bad enough to fight for it even when the going gets rough. No one is going to get anything done for you in life. People are out there trying to be succcessful themselves ya know? I think thats what made me work so hard...I had to do it for me. But then I also did it for others too...I wrote songs that I felt would touch others...music has to not just be about you...its got to be something about something greater than you. Because to be honest when you break it down you shouldn't be doing it for the money...most artists even major artists dont make much money doing this...even the ones that sell millions of albums...but thats not the point. I'm doing this for a different reason. I'm doing it for the love of it and for getting messages out there to really help people and to make a difference in people's lives.

We all have to make choices in our lives. What are we going to become? What are we going to use our lives for? I met some kids last night who grew up from the same town that I did...I always think its great to meet kids who grew up from the same high school that I went to...I can relate to them...theres this same struggle there. I hope they can become something great. I think there is a lot of pressure to live up to what our parents want us to become or what others see us as...but really at the end of the day we have ourselves to answer to. Its not about pleasing others...its about being happy. I see that a lot with the kids in the area that I grew up with and I really hope that they live fulfilling lives and they don't sell out. I'm glad I didn't sell out. I know there will be hard times ahead because life is hard but I'd rather have peace of mind that I followed my dreams and I gave it all I had. Why follow a life or a road that someone says you should follow just because your dad did it? Thats not your life thats theirs. I read this week on someone's myspace page "Life is not about finding yourself life is about creating yourself" I love that!!! I have been creating myself this year! I've been becoming the person that I've always wanted to be! And I'm really being honest about that! I want to be that old artistic grandma at 80 years old that my grandchilderen can brag about and say yeah shes done this that and that and I want to still be going and doing things and going out and about. Life is not about finding yourself its about constantly reinventing yourself and creating your world around you! It takes a lot of strength to do that...because there are no rules when your doing that...but thats also the exhilerating part of it as well.