Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Forging My Own Path...

My birthday is this week and instead of being happy I'm kinda sad. I'm feeling old. Another year has passed and I'm kinda left feeling like what have I done with my life so far??? Isn't that horrible? How lame is that??! At least I can say I'm on the road with my music career though with the fact that I've written, co-arranged and sung my first album. So thats good. But part of me feels like I wish this has happened to me when I was 20. I can't change whats in the past though...but part of me kinda wonders how long will it take me to get to where I want to get to in my music career and how long will I wait to get to where I want to get? It seems like the older I get the more and more people are having babies around me. I'm starting to feel...lonely like I'm the lone soldier trudging thru. I guess I should get used to it though. If you think about it haha most stars wait till their thirties and forties to have kids and I'm sure they felt this often seeing their friends have kids. They just decided to put their career first. I just know that my music would never happen if I had kids early. Its a sacrifice that you have to make. Not making it is not an option for me...not many people dont understand this who are not musicians. I was talking about this to my husband tonight. When your a musician and a songwriter you live and breathe music its in you. If I didn't make it with my music I'm not sure what else I'd do with my life. I'd feel hopeless I think. Sad. Directionless. I'm being completely honest. So not making it is not an option Which is why I didn't mess around when I did my album.

I've always felt kinda alone most of my life...if that makes sense I'm not sure if thats common with most musicians. I like to read books, go to shows, when I go to clubs and bars though I like to just go there to network. I really enjoy hanging out with artists, musicians, bohemians, world travelers and on and on. I feel most at home with them...especially quirky off the wall people. I feel like I can say whatever to them haha.

This whole process has been a lot of faith and I've just had to put one foot in front of the other and I've had to just keep going. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

I started a company where I'm teaching art to kids and I've decided to try and get more business so that I can make my own hours and focus more on my music. So far I have three band members formed and am waiting on the fourth member and once I have that member we'll jam and see how that goes and then we'll start gigging hopefully.