I want to extend a challenge to all of you...please read this

I wanted to challenge all of you and think about what you have accomplished this past year and see what you can do more of...where can you be better in your life? I have more goals that I want to achieve and I want to be unstoppable and fearless in 2009! I have to be in order to achieve the things that I want to achieve! I want to extend a challenge to all of you to do the same! Lets play all out guys! Lets be all we can be! Its not too late to start doing it now. I commited to someone yesterday that I was going to make a difference in someones life this week and cause a miracle. And I plan on doing that. I'm still not sure what I plan to do but I'll figure out what I'll do maybe I'll do it tomorrow I have a few things in mind. As human beings we are not made to be unreasonable...but if we start to stretch and grow and extend ourselves we can do some amazing things in our lives. Its when we start giving ourselves excuses as to why things can't be done is when we short change ourselves. Thats when we kill possibilities! Lets take a stand for each other and help support each other in being the best we can be...this is the only way we can become who we need to become. We are all struggling and every day is hard. I want you guys to think about this during Thanksgiving and have you recommit to who you know you can become!

Like father like daughter

I had a pretty interesting talk with my dad today. It never fails to amaze me how many stories he has to tell me. Ever since I was a little girl he'd answer my questions with let me tell you a story and he'd have me listen to the story and I'd have to listen to the story and try and get the moral of the story and figure that out and sense what that meant. I'd usually wait till later in the evening to get into deep conversations which is why he'd do this haha. I really do love live close by my family though its great being able to talk with them and get advice from them. No one knows you better than your parents. For better or for worse huh? haha. I'm lucky though because I get along great with mine.

He told me a story tonight about a family member who was related to my grandpa who was really poor and he ended up coveting his money and it ended up essentially becoming his god. He would not give any money to his grand children on thier birthdays and his thought was he wouldn't give them his money until he died. How sad is that?? What prompted this discussion is because I told him how I visited a girl from my church today and was telling them how everything that we own our cars, our house, our clothes, our money, all of our earthly posessions do not go with us. So essentially none of that matters in the end. What only matters if family, who we become, who we inspire and what legacy we leave behind. Period end of story. They looked at me like wow. Ha its rare that anyone speaks so plain and simple like this. We all get caught up in titles, success, money, posessions and on and on. Thats not what really matters in the end. Thats what struck me this week as my grandpa died. I no longer have any grand fathers or grand mothers. Thats it for me. That whole generation is completely gone. That does something to you and it really puts it into perspective.

I was talking with a friend of mine and she was saying that I'm driven and I figure out how to make things happen even when it seems impossible. Most people would give up but I keep going. I think I get this from my dad. Or maybe its just a Packard thing?? Like I said Like father like daughter. My mom and my sister in law have commented how I'm like my dad in many ways. haha. And the people that can't see that obviously don't know me well enough haha!

I'm about to go to bed soon I have a busy day tomorrow. I'm going to have to work quite a bit this week more than usual since I didn't work enough last week since my grandpa died and things were quite hectic. I'm helping plan the funeral right now. Sigh. Night night.

I set goals and accomplish them whats next?

I had a fun time last night at the club I sold some albums and chilled...something about selling my albums there made it hard for me to chill though haha. I was going around having people hear the album on my ipod and then I'd show them the album and they'd pay for it. You have to be fearless and unstoppable in this business if you want to make it...and I'm not going to let anything or anyone stop me.

I had almost four songs that came to me out of no where yesterday it was an amazing experience. Sometimes when it rains it pours. I was riding my road bike for an hour and I was just singing to myself the whole time. When I came home I started writing down all the lyrics. Then as I was driving to Oakland I got a couple of more songs. All I can say is when I become famous it would be a good thing for me to get a driver I'm not the best driver...I get lost all the time. Haha. Close friends and family can attest to this.

After a couple of crazy two weeks of friends and family dying and after having a crazy past six months of making this album the people who are still here sticking by me are the ones who are my real friends. This past year was a doozy but the people who really stuck by me were amazing. I had some friends that I got really close to who I got to rely on for support during these times and who I am even closer to these days. Life is funny that way sometimes hardships can bring you even closer to people.

I'm listening to Beyonce's music right now from her new album I need to go out and get a copy of it once it gets released. I love her music. She puts on a great show what a great dancer. I want to start taking some dance classes so I can be a triple threat on stage. Beyonce has talked about how she wants to constantly challenge herself and I feel that way about my music. I'm always wanting to push myself to higher heights. I set goals and accomplish them. Whats next? Marketing my album, creating a band, gigging, getting signed by a label, getting a grammy! Haha!

Persistance Pays Off

So my grandpa died last night...and I honestly was sad about it but it was really great that so many family members flew in from all over to be there with him at his last moments. It was great to be with each other and support each other as well. It made me feel really greatful for all of the hard work that my grandma and grandpa had did to help us get to what we have now. I really do have a great life and I often pinch myself...

I was in San Francisco looking around at some people thinking I wonder what these people do for a living that are able to just moosey around at the middle of the day? Are they entreprenuers? haha. Who knows?? I mean don't you ever wonder that?? I do.

Things are going well with my album. I am updating my facebook account and I have almost three hundred friends ha. I get so obsessed with viral marketing...but then again I think its so important to spread the word! Someone tonight that I added went to my myspace page and liked my music and bought my album from that! So it really pays off!

Anyways persistence pays off baby. I'm a fighter. Nothing happens over night though. My dad worked an english program for ten years and it just is barely going through. But persistence again pays off. Who knows how long my music will take. But again I will not give up. If it dosen't happen till my mid thirties so be it. It dosen't happen till then. I'll still be doing it. Thats what people don't get. I'm not going to give this up. I'll still be doin this thing till I'm old and grey haha. Just like my dad does with some of his hobbies and just like my grandpa did with writing. My grandpa used to write so many short stories of his life growing up.

Our legacy does not have to die with us..it can carry on

So I just found out that my grandpa's health is really failing not that I didn't already know this, but we just officially put him on hospice today. And, last week my sister in law found out she is pregnant. I was talking to my dad today and I feel so greatful that even though as time changes that at least as life changes we can bring new life into this world as our old generations die off in our families. I saw my grandma die this year, my fathers mother. And now this year my dad's father will probably pass away. It has made me think about my own parents pass away.

I can see why people want to have kids now so that this tradition can keep being passed on or literally everything will die with us and the chain will die with us. Our legacy will die with us. Something else that I was thinking about today is that we are all human. Its ok to make mistakes as long as we don't dwell on them and we keep moving on.

I want to write a song about this about how we are humane. Its ok to feel and to experience life and to wear your heart on your sleeve at times. Life changes but thats ok..its what we do with change that ultimately determines what kind of people we become. Thats my plug in for today!

We are all unique and thank heavens for that...keep pressing foward guys!

Wow life is funny. I just met someone that I knew from a long time ago. It reminded me how far I have come. I used to think I needed someone to write music for me. I'm so glad I've decided to write music for myself its so much more fulfilling! Anyways there are some other areas in my life where I'm not so satisified ie: like my work icko but I'm hoping that if my album does well enough I wont have to worry about that much longer. Hopefully I will be able to get my band together so I can start gigging. Lets hope that happens fast. My experience in the music industry is most things take much longer than you think they will take. If you want them to be done right at least.

I'm waiting for all of my digital distribution to go through. I'm going to a party this Friday and am excited to sell some of my albums this Friday at Club Anton and just over all chilling and having a good time. I'm sick of just worrying about things going through and having things go through with my music. All I can do is work my hardest and hope for the best. Period. If its meant to be it will be. I'm not going to be afraid to say no to things that won't be aligned with my goals with doing my music too. There have been times where I have felt guilty and I have said yes to things that I have not wanted to do things and I have done them. No longer ha.

Anyways I've met some amazing people lately. I met this lady on Saturday that made a nice impact on me and I was thinking about her on Sunday. She is divorced and has four kids. I often think about how I don't feel related to people sometimes and how I feel lonely at times. She was telling me how she feels that at times but I thought wow if she keeps going in life what excuse do I have?! I think I rarely remember how good I have it. If we forget to thank God for the blessings we have how can he continue blessing us?! Anyways I just wanted to leave you guys with some good vibes this week keep pressing on and doing your thang and keep up living because its worth it. Don't give up hope. We are all unique but thats why we were created. We all contribute wonderful things to the universe and thats why we were created.

Forging My Own Path...

My birthday is this week and instead of being happy I'm kinda sad. I'm feeling old. Another year has passed and I'm kinda left feeling like what have I done with my life so far??? Isn't that horrible? How lame is that??! At least I can say I'm on the road with my music career though with the fact that I've written, co-arranged and sung my first album. So thats good. But part of me feels like I wish this has happened to me when I was 20. I can't change whats in the past though...but part of me kinda wonders how long will it take me to get to where I want to get to in my music career and how long will I wait to get to where I want to get? It seems like the older I get the more and more people are having babies around me. I'm starting to feel...lonely like I'm the lone soldier trudging thru. I guess I should get used to it though. If you think about it haha most stars wait till their thirties and forties to have kids and I'm sure they felt this often seeing their friends have kids. They just decided to put their career first. I just know that my music would never happen if I had kids early. Its a sacrifice that you have to make. Not making it is not an option for me...not many people dont understand this who are not musicians. I was talking about this to my husband tonight. When your a musician and a songwriter you live and breathe music its in you. If I didn't make it with my music I'm not sure what else I'd do with my life. I'd feel hopeless I think. Sad. Directionless. I'm being completely honest. So not making it is not an option Which is why I didn't mess around when I did my album.

I've always felt kinda alone most of my life...if that makes sense I'm not sure if thats common with most musicians. I like to read books, go to shows, when I go to clubs and bars though I like to just go there to network. I really enjoy hanging out with artists, musicians, bohemians, world travelers and on and on. I feel most at home with them...especially quirky off the wall people. I feel like I can say whatever to them haha.

This whole process has been a lot of faith and I've just had to put one foot in front of the other and I've had to just keep going. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

I started a company where I'm teaching art to kids and I've decided to try and get more business so that I can make my own hours and focus more on my music. So far I have three band members formed and am waiting on the fourth member and once I have that member we'll jam and see how that goes and then we'll start gigging hopefully.