What does it take to love another and be happy??

What does it take to love another? Do we need to change ourselves or completely be another person? How can we keep ourselves but also be with the one we love? Thats my question for the day. How do we keep that lovin feeling in our relationships when life comes at you in a million different ways. I'm not so sure anymore. Its so easy to get caught up in everything we are doing in life and forget others in the process. Today i'm feeling overwhelmed, emotional and just well feeling very deeply and thinking a lot. What makes someone happy and how do you keep that happiness alive and strong? Can one person do that for you or does it need to be multiple people present to achieve that? What can be done to mend past heart aches so that you can move on with someone living a clean slate and open to new possibilities with them? Sometimes its so hard to forget the past and whos hurt you that you bring that into your own relationships. Lame but so true. It can be so easy to be scared about being hurt and then not wanting to take the risk of really trully giving your all to someone. I've felt that many times in my life. This blog is well a very honest one today. I love blogging about what I'm going thru tho theres a sense of well relief from it when you get it down on paper. Its the same with song writing for me. Believe me when someone pisses me off I'll just write a song about it. If someone makes me happy I'll write a song about that too ha and on and on. This is how we artists deal with things thru our music. Man the life of a musician is not an easy one thats for sure. But I can't imagine living any other life. Its a lot more complicated thats for sure figuring out how to make things work at home but it can be done.

In some ways I think we can't expect others to make us happy. In some ways yes but in other ways no. For instance you can't expect your loved one to go out and do the things you wish you could but your too scared to do and then say well i'm not happy. Well your not happy because you haven't stepped up to the plate. Each person has to make an effort to do whatever they need to do personally to make them happy whether that be going to graduate school, making an album having a baby or on and on and then have their partner reach for what makes them happy as well and support each other in the process. I think if this is done you can both grow together and motivate each other in whatever your doing. I'm a total driver...when I want something nothing will get in my way I'll get it done come hell or high water its just my personality. hehe. Anyways life is damn hard but hehe I just remember what i've been thru in the past and think I can get thru this too. hehe. Thats how I keep going on every day I just remind myself of what I've had go get thru before and then I think yeah thats nothing compared to this etc.

Anything Is Possible

A friend of mine was asking me to be unreasonable with my life yesterday. I think being unreasonable and really pushing yourself is what makes someone achieve greatness. Really. If you stay complacent and you give yourself excuses as to why something can't be done you won't ever achieve anything. But if you constantly strive and reach towards always becoming better anything is possible.

I like moving my album along and getting things done so its actually hard for me to ask for help and have people arrange things for me. I'm so used to doing it on my own. Its also hard to know who you can trust. I think thats why its been hard for me to have others help me. I think its best to do as much as you can do alone to be honest so your not dependent on anyone. Then when it becomes too much and you just have to know when that time is you should ask for some help. Its funny how its so hard to do at times.

I have two people that are going to be helping me arrange listening partys and my album release partys. I was literally praying for that yesterday because I thought theres no way I can do this alone just no way. I guess I could to a certain extent but I would need help to get the word out and help with knowing what venues and clubs would be appropriate for my music. I'm not a big club goer. I'm kinda a home body. I love going up to San Francisco and Berkeley though. I've been going to Santa Cruz and Capitola as a girl too so i'm looking forward to performing over there sometime this year.

I have learned also this year to never say never. Never say you can't do something because why would you want to close that door off to infinite possibilities of things that maybe you could do if you just believed in yourself? All it took for me were a couple people telling me that yeah I could write songs and that I could do it by myself. I can't tell you how many days of self doubt and crying there were in the process but eventually I came thru. All because of those key people in my life. I've been the happiest i've ever been. Just goes to show that sometimes finding your own way in life is really necessary. You need to feel happy with what your doing even if people say its not possible for you. I'm making it possible for me so I know it will happen. When you work hard at something every day it will happen. Nothing is impossible. Thats what i'm standing for today. That nothing is impossible in my life. Anything I want is there for the taking. This year I want to get back into shape not just for vanity sakes but for promotional sake for my music career and just for the fact that I want to feel really comfortable in my own skin and be healthy. Thats what I'm standing for this year. And i'm also standing for the possibility of being able to be really successful with my music. I wont give up until thats so. Even if it does take years to get there.

This Is Just The Beginning...Hello World Here I Am Today What Do You Have For Me Today?

Hmm I can't seem to stop my mind from creating. Its always churning churning with new ideas and inspiration. When your a writer and someone says something even when your in mid conversation well I find myself stoping and saying oo thats interesting. I kept doing that when Willie Norwood was in town helping me on my final recordings for my first album. He'll say little sayings or inspirational things that trigger new thoughts and new songs for me. I've been so lucky to find really great people to help me on my way. I've been praying for a mentor and for someone to help me out because it can get so lonely out there. Its so scary doing everything on your own too when your a new comer to the music industry. Hell anything is scary at first.

I was listening to Jill Scott today and looking thru her website what a power house! I really can relate to her musically and as a writer. I've been a poet since I was a little girl and so has she. She really puts it out there in her songs as do I. I hate it when people compare me to people but damn if anyone wants to compare me to her sure go right ahead. He he I consider that a compliement in the highest form. Shes rooted in Jazz as am I and shes got curves too. I'm not a small little petite thing. I used to be but it wasn't healthy. I love learning from other artists and listening to their runs, adlibs and things they sing about. It gets my mind jogging about issues and topics I want to sing about. Again I can't stop creating.

As this album is coming to a close I find myself thinking I'm scared. Scared of the unknown. Scared of what people will think of my music. Scared that I might not come up with another hit. Feeling vulnerable with putting my most inner feelings and thoughts on to an album and having others listen and scrutinize it. Its a whole nother ball game when you write the songs and you sing them. I'm super critical of my material. hahaha. You just have to tell yourself to stop eventually. Thats what I'm experiencing with the mixing process. I'm listening to it and thinking dang I could have done that for a run etc. I just gotta let it go its hard tho.

After doing this album I realize how many more things I want to do in life. If I am able to be successful in my music I want to get involved with so many other things. Like starting a non profit company helping others in some way I'm not sure how but I want do something, publishing a book with my poetry, possibly doing some broadway shows, performing everywhere and touring, possibly starting my own label in the future. I just have so many things I want to do hehe. This is just the beginning.

Getting ready for my photo shoot

So today I decided to go shopping for my photo shoot for my album. All the while while I was shopping I was thinking what kind of style is my music? Is it trendy? Is it timeless? And its timeless. Its a mix of jazz and neo-soul. So I thought yeah I'm going to get some clothes that are clean and polished. I didn't want anything too frilly or feminine either. I'm really excited with what I got and am more excited when the photos will be finished to be put up on my myspace page!

I've been so focused on getting things done that I'm getting everything that I need to get done early. I couldn't sleep this morning until late like I usually do on Saturdays. I got up at 7:20am! When do I ever do that? Wierdo. The mall didn't open till 10 am so I decided to go to Starbucks and just read a newspaper and do some writing. I wrote some new possible songs today. The more I write the better I get. Its like riding a bicycle. The more you do it the faster and more agile you become. I loved just sitting there at Starbucks and resting. It felt so great.

I hung out with my friends last night and went up to San Francisco to get my hair done by my hair dresser. She did such a great job. I can even go for clean up for free in four or five weeks and then get my hair cut five weeks later. How cool is that talk about convenient!

I've been eating lunch late on most days and have been talking with some older men that are semi retired ha and have been having such a fun time talking to them! I love talking to older people they are so funny! Not always but well theres just a sense of honesty there usually because they dont care as much about what image they are projecting etc. I love learning from all different kinds of people. Its funny how the older you get too the age gap tends to not matter as much anymore. I have a friend thats 63! Shes always totally straight with me which is so great! I played my music the other day there and the owner loved it so much she wants to buy a copy from me. Most of the other people there want a copy too. Hopefully many more will!

Anyways have a great day guys!

How to keep centered and calm

How do we keep centered and calm amongst the storm of life? Thats my question for today. There are days when I just feel so overwhelmed and discouraged. Good friends and family are always a nice remedy for this. But also just being alone and recharging your battery. A good book always helps for me.

I make lists for myself re what I need to get accomplished during the week and check them off when I accomplish them so that I feel like I'm on top of things. That always helps. If you dont do it no one else will do it for you is what I constantly remind myself. Hope everyone has a good day!

Songwriting is such a healer

So I wrote a song today that felt so good to get out! I've learned that not always do songs have to have a resolution or be happy. My whole album does pretty much. But lately I've just been writing and letting things out really real things. Not that anything on my album isn't real. I dont know its hard to explain. Today I wrote a song that I just was laughing about. It was about someone that I dont like very much...we all have those kinds of people in our lives. Whenever I listen to the song Hate On Me by Jill Scott it makes me feel better. My song is pretty much the same talking about someone whos a total hater and will never change. Just a real bitch. Ha. I wrote it all out in literally ten minutes...just goes to show when you need to get somethin out you best get out of the way. Song writing is a great way to deal with issues in your life. Its been so great for me. I hope others can relate and really feel the songs that I've written so far. If someone is talking behind your back settle it then and there. If they deny it and act all sweet at least you did your part and frankly at least your being real. There will be haters your whole life unfortunately. Since i've been working on my album even close friends will say "Oh I dont have that talent" they mean they dont have the talent to write songs, arrange, sing etc. But how about being happy for me for once? Damn. I'm not saying everyone is like this but I can't tell you how many people have said this. I have not had an easy life. In fact i've gone thru some really incredible hard things. But I've always risen to the top because I'm a fighter. Keep it real guys!

All I can say is some of the key essentials that you need to be a musician and create an album is:

The ability to be able to voice your fears, your experiences and your life in a clever way and make those your songs. You want to be able to identify with what your singing and your fans will know if your sincere or not. When I no longer was searching for someone to write me songs I realized I had everything inside of me that I needed to write my own songs.

Once you decide that you want music come hell or high water you have to go after it and I mean really after it. You have to have a fire deep within your gut to go after it cuz its hard work. After you decide that people will come into your life.

Always be open to learning more about the music business and take classes to educate yourself about it. Theres nothing worse with feeling lost and naive. Knowledge is power.

Surround yourself with producers, engineers and people that you sincerely really respect musically and who understand and know how to deliver the style of music you want to create. They want you to succeed...and they dont want to mold you into something that your not.

Write your own music if you can. If you need to take song writing classes. I really wish that I stayed with playing an instrument that would of just added an extra element to my songs. Also, you need to get something up on myspace and record your music so that your fans can hear you.

Social networking is where its at! That means once you have your music you need to get it on myspace, cdbaby, i-tunes etc etc.

I've been in the studio recording for two days and will be going back into the studio in San Francisco today. I started doing the final recordings for my album on Friday. I did two months of pre-production. I think the key thing is really working out the song to the best of its ability before you even go into a nice and big fancy studio. I did all of the pre production with a producer in Oakland in his apartment. I wrote all of the lyrics and I arranged it and recorded it with him. I flew Willie Norwood who is Brandy's dad from LA to work with me on the final recordings because I knew I needed help on adding adlibs and extra little riffs to add that extra umph. I'm so glad that hes working with me. I can't tell you how much its helped me with my songs and how he just brings a positive engergy to the studio so it makes me work harder. Anyways hope everyone has a great day!